What Is Missing In Your Life?
I was at my barn, one of my favorite spots to “be” the other day, surrounded by my two horses and my sweet Australian Shepherd, 2Sox. The horses were contently eating, and 2Sox was busy appreciating the smells of the early morning. I was scooping horse shit into my Gator and carting it off to the compost pile; it’s one of my favorite things to “do.” Why? Because I am outside in nature doing a chore that doesn’t require much talent, and it is when I have some of my best thoughts. I stood there for a minute, and I pinched myself, literally as I often do and said out loud, “I am so grateful to be here and have this wonderful property.” And then I thought, I wonder what most people want out of their life. Later that day I did what I always do when I am curious about something, I Googled it. The first thing that popped up was an article by Kathy Caprino titled, The Top 10 Things People Want In Life But Can’t Seem To Get. It was the “can’t seem to get” part that caught my attention.
Caprino surveyed 700 people. The key question the survey probed was: If you could say in one word what you want more of in life, what would it be? What intrigued the author most is that it is becoming more and more obvious that the things we humans desperately long for today are not only universal and timeless but also have become even more elusive and impossible to sustain, even as we “evolve” and develop in this tech-frenzied, time-crushing world.
Here is a list of the top 10 things people wanted more of as well as the biggest challenges they faced in each category according to Caprino’s survey: I have included my comments and coaching in bold in the 10 most wanted list below.
- Happiness: Biggest Challenge – “Not knowing what I want to do.”
Happiness is a choice, folks. It just is, plain and simple. Every single day you get to decide if you are going to be happy or not. I think the main reason most people are unhappy is that they are looking for something outside of themselves to “make them happy.” Guess what, the new car, house, outfit, boyfriend, or girlfriend is not the answer. The only person or thing that will bring you happiness is YOU.
- Money: Biggest Challenge – “Not having enough money or time to accomplish things I want to do.
There are a lot of emotions around money, and the primary one is fear. Fear of not having enough regardless of how much you already have or the size of your income. After my house burned to the ground and I lost everything , I came to realize is that all I had was enough. I had my health, I had supportive family and friends, and I could rebuild my life free from attachment to material things. When it comes to time, for the most part, you are in control of how you spend your time. Again, it comes down to choice. How are you going to choose to spend your time?
- Freedom: Biggest Challenge – “Having the freedom to find my ‘true purpose’ or being lit up by the day-to-day work.”
The first step to finding your ‘true purpose’ is to have clarity about your values. What is most important to you in life? Go here to download a FREE values assessment worksheet. Go through the exercise and determine what your top three values are and then use them as a guidepost to assist you in making good decisions in your life.
- Peace: Biggest Challenge – “Lack of clarity about who I am and my purpose.”
I tell the participants in the Lines In The Sand class that their purpose is to identify and be their authentic self. This takes a bit of unearthing and ridding yourself of the years of human conditioning that has been passed along to you. You will feel most at peace when you are being genuine and showing up in the world as your true essence.
- Joy: Biggest Challenge – “How to find the right role or position for me now that will bring joy in my work.”
The best advice I have about achieving joy in your life is to surround yourself with people, places, things, and a joyful vocation. Once you are clear about your top three values, the decisions you make around who and what you allow into your life will lead you to the joy you are seeking.
- Balance: Biggest Challenge – “Balancing my needs and desires for flexibility while making enough money and having the benefits I want.”
Over the years I have watched the debate, particularly for women about whether you can have it all. I think you can, but most likely not all at the same time. For more of my thoughts on this have a look at this blog post I wrote about perfection. http://meetmeatthebarn.com/perfect-solution-attain-freedom-perfection/
- Fulfillment: Biggest Challenge – “Utilizing my potential in the best possible way, for myself and others.”
Fulfillment is different for everyone. What is your definition of fulfillment? Until you know what this means for you, it will most likely be a moving target. Over time a moving target generally leads to frustration and fulfillment will remain elusive. I also suggest that instead of approaching life with a “what do I want from the world” attitude, start asking the question, “what does the world want from me?”
- Confidence: Biggest Challenge – “Feeling like I have something to offer now, rather than constantly feeling as if I’m not ready and need more training.”
The Lines In The Sand course participants are asked to list their gifts and how they can use them to make a positive impact in the world. The answers have varied from being a great Mom to having a great voice to being really funny. I challenge you to answer the same question. I will remind you that there is nothing bigger than yourself in the world. Risk being seen in all your glory.
- Stability: Biggest Challenge – “Figuring out what to do next, to keep me afloat and be a bridge to my later years and retirement.”
There is no guarantee of stability in your life. Stability comes from the inside, not the outside world. Stability comes from you, your courage, and the gifts that you offer to the world. As you go through life you will experience some rough water, and the good news is, you get to decide what meaning you are going to give to these events. Perspective is everything.
- Passion: Biggest Challenge – “Overcoming feelings of ineptitude and negativity because of career setbacks.”
I repeat, you get to decide the meaning that you are going to give to the events that happen in your life. Are you going to define a “setback” as a setback or a learning opportunity and a chance to improve your life? Life will show up for you in the exact way that you say or think it will.
I believe that you can have these 10 things in your life and it isn’t nearly as difficult as you might think.
You can read Kathy Caprino’s entire article by following this link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathy-caprino/the-top-10-things-people-_2_b_9564982.html
You can also learn more about the Lines in the Sand course here.