Lines In The Sand

I have been fortunate to observe my best friend and her fiancé plan their wedding for the past two years.  They got married this past Saturday, and it was one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever seen.  I had an added layer of privilege because my friend chose me to be her maid of honor.  As I witnessed the pure joy and love of the day and watched the guests enjoying themselves as we celebrated this exquisite union I thought to myself, “ I wonder how many of these people have ever asked themselves this question:  What kind of relationship do I have with myself?  I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that most people have never paused to ask this question.  Ever.  And if they did, I am reasonably confident that most would say that they are much more kind, compassionate, generous, and gentle with others in their life that they care about than they are with themselves.

Why is this?  Why are we so hard on ourselves?  Is it because we have set such high expectations for ourselves or that we don’t believe we are living up to the expectations of others?  Do we think that self-compassion is self-indulgent?  Do we feel unworthy or undeserving?  I don’t have the answer because I know it is different for everyone, but I do think that the inquiry is important.  And, asking as well as answering the question is an important exercise to go through. 

I just finished teaching the live Lines In The Sand session of Line Seven:  Be Impeccably Fiscally Disciplined to a group of intelligent, capable, and industrious participants.  This Line is cringeworthy at best for most people who have taken part in the live course.

We started the day by answering the following nine questions:

1. Do you have a budget?
2. Do you have a personal financial WHY?
3. Do you have a retirement plan?
4. Do you have a “slush fund” for emergencies or unexpected expenses?
5. Do you reconcile your bank accounts each month?
6. Does your family understand your finances?
7. Do you teach your children about money?
8. Do you have a Will?
9. Do you have a revocable living trust?

Surprising or not, the majority of the participants answered every single one of these questions with a resounding “No”.  I invite you to take a few minutes to answer these questions for yourself.  Some of these questions may not apply to you and your current situation, but if they do, I invite you to start doing what it takes to get to a yes.

It has been my observation that where there is money, there is emotion.  At a very you age most people are either taught or through their own observation develop a money mindset.  The prevalent feeling associated with money is fear.  There is fear of never having enough, fear of losing it all, fear of being judged by how much money one has or doesn’t have and the list goes on.

Let’s go back

What is something our readers can do today to increase their sense of self-worth and self-love?

(a snapshot of what you’ll learn in the Online Edition of the Lines In The Sand course)

First, we have to realize that self-worth comes from within.  You won’t find it in having a big house, a fancy car, a lot of money or a bunch of friends.  These are external people, places, and things that may bring temporary satisfaction, but in the long run, it is how you feel and think about yourself that matters most.  Today I would like to share six powerful habits that will help you improve your self-worth and self-love.

1. Eliminate negative self-talk.  Would you talk to your best friend or someone who you care about deeply the same way that you talk to yourself?  Of course not.  You must stop having unconstructive conversations with yourself.   Instead, start to recognize and appreciate all the things about yourself that you like.  Write these things down, add to the list often, and revisit it frequently to remind yourself of your positive attributes.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. This is probably one of the most destructive behaviors you can participate in.  Your life is your journey so keep your focus on your journey, not anyone else’s.  It doesn’t serve you in any way to think you need to measure up to anyone else.  If you want someone to compare you to, compare yourself to your BEST self.
3. Surround yourself with masters. There is an
   

I have the good fortune to live in a beautiful area of California on a little plot of land that I can call my own. I have two horses and a dog that I love with all of my heart. I have a John Deere tractor and Gator that play a big part in helping me to maintain my property, and almost every weekend you can find me at my barn cleaning up, tending to the garden, pulling weeds, mowing the riverbed and whatever else it takes to keep things in good order. My best thoughts come to me when I am out in nature and doing my chores. This past weekend as I was mulching around my trees and I thought about what creates the struggle in our life. Maybe it is because Mercury has been in retrograde because I have observed people’s actions and words to be of resistance and strife lately. Regardless of the reason for these times of tussles, the following suggestions to eliminate the struggle is what came to me as I was working at the barn:

1. Stay In Your Lane. This is a simple concept especially if you are someone who spends time driving around on the planet. There are a set of rules and courtesies that we learn about driving that help to limit the number of accidents and potential people clashing incidents as we are traveling to and from the places we go.       The main useful driving directive is
   

“Desiderata” is Latin for “things desired”.  This poem has always held great wisdom for me; it still does.  As I was de-cluttering the desktop on my computer today, I came across it and read it again.  Although this was written over ninety years ago by Max Ehrmann, an American writer, poet, and attorney, the advice and acumen of these words remain relevant and valuable today.  As a side note, Ehrmann was fifty-four years old when he penned this poem which did not achieve fame until after his death at age seventy-two.  It goes to show you, it is never too late, and you are never too old.  Please take the time to read and absorb these words of eternal good sense.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full